The Seven Stages of Relationship – Very Few Get Beyond Stage Six


by Allen L Roland
Source: Veterans Today

Most people are afraid of love because they are afraid of their deepest joy, delight and inner freedom and are, in essence, trapped by their fear of deep vulnerability and intimacy.

2013 will be a worldwide year of transition and no where will that be felt deeper than with individual love relationships.

In relationship, we must reach a place where being honest and being true to yourself is more important than the survival of the relationship! Let me illustrate this using Stendhal’s and Roland’s seven stages of a love relationship ~ In relationship, Love must evolve from emotional to conscious unconditional love and that transition doesn’t happen painlessly.

1. ADMIRATION ” I really admire you as a person “

2. BEGINNING OF DESIRE “I think I’d like to get to know you better.”

3. HOPE ” I hope you feel the same way about me ”

4. INCEPTION OF LOVE ” I think I’m falling in love with you”

5. FIRST CRYSTALLIZATION ” I see the beauty and perfection within you ”

6. DOUBT, FEAR AND/OR JEALOUSY, ANGER AND RESENTMENT  “You’re going to hurt me or betray me like others have “

This is where Stendhal ended his six stages of love for this is the stage where most, if not all, emotional relationships end with mutual anger, resentment or fear submerging all traces of the original love. What we do not realize in this stage is that these feelings are often associated with earlier childhood or relationship hurts we felt with loved ones and we are face to face with the decisions we made at that time to repress and deny our deepest feelings ~ because there was seemingly no-one there for us. We can either run, as most people do, or go inside and go through these fears by not denying the love, taking accountability for these feelings and stop being a victim! You cannot escape stage six until you are willing to go inside, take total accountability for your actions and feelings and stop denying love. This takes great courage but the payoff is immense! Resentment doesn’t heal! Anger doesn’t heal! Only love truly heals!

7. ROLAND’S SECOND CRYSTALLIZATION ” I feel the beauty and perfection within myself and I’m sharing it with you and the world ”

This Stage cannot be accomplished unless we realize that our ultimate quest in life is to fully experience our authentic self and our connection to our original state of soul consciousness and an innate connection with source.


Until I let go I cannot grow “, Great love can both take hold and let go.”  When we let go in relationship, you do not let go of the love. To let go with love you must, in essence, consciously love your partner and yourself. Your self respect will be your guideYou must reach the place where you can say that it’s more important that I love myself than you loving me.

Conscious love (non-possessive, non-dependent and unconditional love) is rarely obtained between humans. The conscious love motive, in its most developed state, is the wish that the object should arrive at its own innate perfection ~ regardless of the consequences to the lover or partner. It is total unconditional love and when we come from this place we are embracing our deepest spiritual essence and are also accessing a state of soul consciousness within ourselves (the Unified Field).

The paradox of this attitude is that such love always invokes eventually a similar attitude in its objects because we all seek, at the deepest level, to be unconditionally loved. As such, when we allow love to be our guiding intention through our thoughts and feelings and learn to consciously unconditionally love ~ we eventually begin to see through clearer eyes and all things come into perfect balance and harmony.

Jesus consciously unconditionally loved and the reason we have never forgotten him is because that same capacity to consciously love and be loved lies deepest within each one of us ~ but many of us continue to look outside and externalize it versus going inside and internalizing it as I most certainly do with my clients as a heart centered counselor and coach as well as my primary relationship.

The path to the soul is always through doors of fear and most of those fears appear in relationship. You don’t realize those fears are illusions until you stop denying love and go through them. Only then can you truly claim the greatest gift ~ yourself.

Only then can you become a fragment of life’s heart and transcend time and space in the process ~ for the hearts’ desire is to love so deeply that we become one with a Unified Field of love and soul consciousness as well as claim our part in an evolving loving plan and always from a place of inner celebration and delight.

Each relationship is a step in that process of eventually returning to source and only by fully opening your heart and learning to consciously unconditionally love can you begin or accelerate that journey to truly find yourself.

The ultimate relationship, as such, is a spiritual relationship where both partners are on a common path, one through the other, to find and celebrate who they really are ~ using the love that exists between them as the vehicle.

We shall not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started… and know the place for the first time: T.S.Eliot

About the AuthorAllen L Roland is a Freelance Alternative Press Online columnist. He is also a practicing psychotherapist, author and lecturer who also shares a daily political and social commentary on his web site at He also guest hosts a Truthtalk, a national radio show that airs monthly. He is available for comments, interviews, speaking engagements and private consultations via email

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19 Responses to The Seven Stages of Relationship – Very Few Get Beyond Stage Six

  1. Pingback: Inspiration: Angel Of Hope … And Love | Mirth and Motivation

  2. Ken says:

    When rest is what you need – better do it. Working in the spritual realm is tough on bodies. Happened to me back in late October. I wondered at the time what was going on. Wiped out for two weekends in a row. Couldn’t do anything. I asked if anyone else on this forum was going through the same thing at that time and didn’t get a reply. Spirits willing, flesh is weak. Impossible to explain to those who refuse spirtual advancement. They mock us.
    Its funny. It happened this past Monday and Tuesday too but nowhere near the level of October. But it seems to be a precurser to important knowledge that you’re about to recieve. Once recieved back to normal energy levels instantly.
    Anyway, good to hear you’ve already done the “Basics”. I’ve been teaching that for quite a while now and just quit doing so in 2012. Dealing with people that low on the frequency scale drains me and I’ve had enough of that. And I think the line has been drawn. If not interested in truths on any level with all the truth that’s available now you’re left behind to grovel in your own deliberate ignorance. Just my opinion there.
    I felt guilty for awhile after I stopped but there’s bigger pictures to be concerned about at this time. Its time for the insanity to stop on this little planet so that’s where my energies are directed now. Get this transition done. Have a little peace for a change…

    • Sue says:

      Yes, one has to listen to self at all levels – body, mind, emotions, soul.

      If someone is not having this level of experience, they have no framework to put it in. As much healing as I’d done over the years and as much as I’d learned, there was no way I’d have anticipated my experience of these last 3 years before it happened. And it really has just been more of the same as prior years. Heavy emphasis on MORE. More in quantity and intensity, etc. So there was no mistaking that it was healing / upgrades, etc. But wow!

      And yep, stories I could tell of how conscious our bodies are. My body has simply amazed me.

      Get this, I’ve been told by the Divine that our carbon-based bodies have actually been more conscious than what our crystalline bodies will be. Why? Because they’ve had to be. There was no way in the low, slow frequency of 3D that our lower minds could do what they do and also monitor the body. The body had to be able to function for itself and communicate with the mind as best it could.

      Yeah, as you may well tell by what I said on earlier comments, New Year’s Eve into Day were great healing / clearing / release days. Also Christmas day and the next I had some flu-like symptoms. I was told it was an upgrade / activation. Here again, regardless of how ready someone may be personally, this is a collective thing and some of us may have even had DNA codes, etc. downloaded when we were ready, but they were not activated until the collective was at a certain level. And frankly, it’s been brutal to be as awake and aware as I have been already and still have to be “here”, I can’t imagine being even more so and left to camp out here. And I’m sure the Divine understands that. So… with this in mind, I really take my Christmas upgrade as a good sign.

      Back in late October, overall I wasn’t feeling too bad, but bam! over a few hours I had a doozy of an experience. I was later told that I was ungrounding from 3D. Well, I’ve always been well-grounded and that was a bit unnerving. I had to pound some eggs and sausage, get some protein in me to get my balance back then lay down for a while.

      The only other experience that compared was in October 2010, Halloween actually, I used Tom Kenyon’s / Hathor’s meditation to fully activate my pineal gland. It was different though. The pineal gland activation was a head thing were I felt woozy. I’ve heard lightworkers talk about feeling woozy / dizzy / light headed, but that rarely has ever happened to me because I’m so grounded. Years ago when I got my Reiki activation, there were some folks in the group that were sailing from the energy. One of the instructors quickly picked up on the fact that I am well-grounded and asked me to help her ground this one gal. She immediately started to feel better and pointed at me and said, “You’re good!” lol I’m so connected to Mommy Earth.

      The ungrounding this past October though felt like I was standing on a platform and it just dropped out from under me. My knees wanted to bend, like I wanted to sink to the floor. It wasn’t a weak-kneed thing, nothing wrong with my knees.

      And yeppers, I too know that the lines have been drawn. No matter what level anyone is at, I strongly advise they flow with the high frequency energies pouring in right now as best they can and even if they end up through the death portal, whatever they can knock out now will mean less carryover to future incarnations.

      For the past couple weeks I have gotten the message of “Justice” over and over. Just got it again today. Of course that means Balance. It also has to do with “Judgment Day” but there is no one else, not even God who judges any of us. It is based on free-will / consequence. Imminent destinations out of this moment are purely based on frequency, everyone finally manifesting outwardly, in no small way, where they are at inwardly. Up until the coming shift, we’ve had a mish-mash of mixing frequencies, different people at different levels, often very undetectable with the 5 senses alone. Perhaps a few “clairs” and other aware observations may give someone away, but…

      That will all shift soon and we’ll be divvied out to outward levels that reflect out inward level. I’ve really felt good since late on the 1st.

      • Sue says:

        Well Ken, get this… right after we both agree the lines have already been drawn… I’ve gotten that message over and over since it happened a while back (I won’t give any dates). But I have continued to inquire about someone I know that I had been told was destined for the death portal. And yep repeatedly told “too late” no matter how the frequency has raised since that supposed line was drawn.

        Well, I’d been told that this person was going through some healing work very recently. I’d get updates on how they were feeling and how they were doing with the healing process. Well, today I was told they felt good having worked through some things and their higher self was really pleased with the work they’d done. So, I had to ask… and I was told they can now move to 4D and not have to pass through the death portal first.

        Yesterday I kept having a vision of being ascended, in my crystalline body and popping in to see them in 4D and yet I’d always been told they’d go through the death portal. And yeah, I could see them in future incarnations, but in this vision they were who they are now. I’m crying now, I’m so happy for them.

        And I had to laugh… yesterday I was playing Scrabble online. My computer opponent made the word “poof.” I see this as a good sign. 😉

  3. Ken says:

    A non-Zombie – That’s good. I just watched a little dittie by Chris Hedges about the “empires of Illusion” that covers the deliberate zombieication of society. Pretty good.
    Drama, yeah, put these drama specialists on the front lines in a real war situation and see what happens to all that drama they so eagerly embrace. I wonder though, I really do.
    I’m in the health profession and I see the drama every day. I’ve been doing this so long now though I almost laugh about it now. And its getting worse, much worse the last 10 years or so. The drama seems to fill the void left within a person when they refuse to be responsible for their life. AND. The chemical poisoning of a lifetime eliminates the ability to have legitimate analytical thought processes anyway. It really is true, they cannot see. What bothers me is: Its NOT their fault. You’ve got 3-4 generations of mass drugging that covers just about everybody now. I was lucky to be raises without drugs or vaccinations and to this day have never taken a prescription drug or over the counter drug. So, I’m chemically free. Yes, I avoid the chemicals in my diet too, and drink good water. So I’ve retained all my “normal” mental capabilities and physical health. However, “Normal” is getting be a very elevated place in society now. There’s not too may of us non-zombies around anymore. And its a problem, a HUGE problem.
    Dealing with the mental aspect bringing people back from “terminal” is a bigger task than getting the physical squared away (and the very reason I don’t do it anymore). The volume of truth necessary to overcome terminal is staggering. Its very difficult for the individual to accept. Very heartbreaking information. Again, I was lucky, I was never brainwashed with all that crap.
    But there are some people that just WON’T see. Deliberately ignorance. You can put a truth right in front of them. Whether that be an historical fact or a law of physics and they refuse to see it. Well, I don’t bother with those people anymore. And I’m getting old enough now to see them drop over dead clinging to their dogma. Kinda sad but they did indeed earn it.
    Either way, I’ve had some good relationships in my life and they were always easy to be a part of. No hidden agendas, no lies, just two people having fun in each others company trying to be creative and productive in life (both male and female). It was easy. But I’ve also had the bad relationships that took a hell of a lot of work to even be halfway enjoyable. Of which the last one will be terminated tomorrow. Got a clean slate again. Wonder what I’ll do with it?
    Good talking to you,
    A non-zombie friend

    • Sue says:

      Yes, people were hit with everything. I asked my friend one day, rather rhetorically, “Do you know anyone NOT on pharmies.” They said, “You and me.” I thought to ask later just how serious they were being. They raised their eyebrows, tilted their head and nodded, “Pretty much.” Yes, as if attempting to get to people through all the disempowering programs and wounds wasn’t enough, then the drug haze was piled on that… and yes toxic everything. What a witch’s brew.

      And actually “normal” as in literally “the norm” IS the zombies. Years ago as I was merrily being my left-field self spreading light at every opportunity, a softball team I was on were talking about “normal”. A gal who was a good friend at that time, turned to me and said, “You’d probably take insult to being called ‘normal’ huh?” “Darn tootin’!” lol Yep, if you pay attention to what the norm has been, not a group anyone should want to be a part of.

      Yeah, I hear ya… sometimes witnessing the sleepy has been the absolute most challenging about all of this. And yet, ya just gotta honor their free-will and applaud ’em for really having their experience to the utmost.

      Yes, I had really good relations with many people up until about 2004, then it was obviously time to clean house. For a couple years I met many new people but they didn’t stick around either. Since then it’s been lonely and isolated. I do enjoy my own company, but am looking forward to some actual people in my life.

      But yes, your clean slate… and well, we’ll see how things go with this person I’m experiencing. We’ve been through hell, individually and together on and off over the last few years. There may be a break through happening there also. We shall see.

      I feel like yesterday into today, we made the final push, the baby’s shoulders came out. It was a hellacious push to make, but something most certainly shifted.

      Yes, good talking with you also Ken. Thank you.

    • Sue says:

      Ken, I’m hoping you’re still getting notices from this thread, since you are a medical person and a lightworker, I would love to hear any thoughts you have on this.

      Jean, if you would, please consider starting a new post on this and see if others are experiencing this.

      You’ll see my own post to that site on page 17 by handle “Couch Potato Plus.”


      • Ken says:

        The ascension process is literally catching the physical up to the spiritual. Spiritually you’re already pefect so no ascension is possible. The problem arrises when tuning the physical into that spiritual perfection.
        You can consider spritual existence as the electro magnetics and frequencies of the body. Three aspects. 1. Nerve energy. Behaves very much like electricity but IS intellegent. Open channels MUST be established and maintained between brain and body, and back again. 2. Electro-magnetic. This is the meridians, the electro-magnetic field the body is surrounded by. Very important and the reason metalic dental work makes bodies sick. 3. The Chakras. Difficult to explain but the rotational speed on an atomic level of various locations in a body. The diference in rotational speeds of the individual chakras can set up a large variety of frequencies. You feel those as emotions.
        The Electro-magnetic disorders are relatively easy to handle. A good chiropractor and eliminating the metals and poisons in the body pretty much gets the job done. The nervous system and meridians calm down rather quickly and physical health is more possible.
        What people are having trouble with is the frequency changes. Its a problem. And the biggest factor there is chemical pioisoing from a lifetime of drug use. Starting with vaccinations and continuing with a wide variety of prescription drugs, poisoned water, poisoned food, etc. etc.
        Now, the people that are doing this to society know EXACTLY what they’re doing. To subjugate a spirit is a very difficult thing to do so they poison the physical body which eleminates the individuals abilty to reason correctly (think flouride) and thus the spirit is “easy pickins”.
        Thus to reestablish normal physical values is paramount to spiritual connectedness with the physical universe. You are already perfect on a spiritual level, you just don’t know it because of the vast effort made against your spiritual strength down through the centuries. What they discovered back in the 20’s and 30’s last century is chemical poisoning does the trick. Makes it very easy to control people. Again, think flouride.
        The journey back to full spiritual awakeness is much more difficult in this day and age because of the chemical poisons. They’re everywhere and it takes a conderable effort by the individual to eliminate all those poisons, and then keep them gone, which must be done to reestablish normal mental values and in turn allow full spiritual awareness.
        They captured you the spiriit by poisoning the body which lowered mental capabilities and confused YOU the spirit. Mission accomplished – they own you.
        Fortunately spirits are much more capable than the physcial universe and once awake to that FACT you can start your ascencion all the way back to “normal”.
        To address the physical apply the four fundamentals of the Natural Healing Paradigm to the body. 1. Straighten it out. 2. clean it out. 3. feed it correctly. 4. Activate it. Exercise. That in itself will take a considerable length of time. As you go through that process your mind WILL awaken. The people on this forum are very aware but most folks aren’t and as they awaken it leads to rather significant heartache and a wild emotional roller coaster ride. Stay the course anyway. You’re much more powerful than you think you are. “They” know that too.
        Now, as you ascend you have to learn how to deal with the higher frequecies that ascension process gives you. The higer frequencies activates more of your DNA thus giving you more abilities and clearer analytical thought processes. You get smart but don’t trust that smartness because so few people have it because they are still so chemcially poisoned. But that newly acquired intellegence will lead to even more awareness and up you go. Funny thing too. It gets simpler as you go.
        The symptoms of the ascension process are many and widly varried. Most people experience nerological problems and the good ole emotional roller coaster ride. The heights of ecstacy one day, the depths of dispare the next. That can get confusing but stay the course. As past emotional traumas are presented to you look at them (they’re only pictures) until the emotional charge is resolved and its just another bad memory. You simply run the emotional trauma incident over and over again in your mind, literally reliving it until you see the truth of the entire incident and the emotion traumatic charge is gone. Confrontational therapy. It works. Nothing more than an elevated confessional.
        What I’m seeing professionally is upper cervical problems. The upper cervical spine is where the solar plexus originates. Of course the solar plexus runs all your organs and as people clean out that feeds back to their neck which changes and stabilizes. Thus the acqusition of truth on any level has a direct affect on structural integrity and the health of the organs
        If those organ aren’t quite up to par you will be sick as they clean out. Headache, nausea, dizzyness, flu like symptoms. Don’t treat as a crisis. Its a health elevation issue. No drugs…Get a good adjustment, a good massage, keep the pure water (distilled) going in, organic food, and if necesary treat symptoms with herbal remedies NOT drugs. Herbal remedies are NOT to be taken long term. Only until symptoms subside. Tissue specifc nutrition is an entirely different thing.
        So the elivation process continues. You’ll never get the physcial all the way to spiritual perfection but you will get to a point where you’re okay with that and accept the limitations of physcial existence. Then the fun begins…
        I’ve covered a lot here. Acquired through over 30 years of discovery, experimentation and clinical application. It works, not necesarily easy to do but well worth the effort.
        So yeah, as you ascend you will get symptoms from the physcial affects of the elevated frequencies. It helps to know the process of how and why that happens. Stay the course, take no prisoners. You are much more capable and indeed powerful than “they” want you to know.

      • Sue says:

        Well Ken, the reason why I asked you about this is because of seeing so many people with this and judging by the posts there they are at all levels of health, fitness, activity, awareness, etc. I found that interesting. You’ll see my post was a while back there. This swelling was particularly puffy and tender about then which is what made me go looking even though this had been around a couple years, I’d not though much of it. I thought to post on Jean’s site now because I just realized that even though this thing is by no means gone, it’s not achy at all in the last few days.

        I honestly think that in my case it’s a lack of exercise (oh hell, lack of movement period) and perhaps repetitive stress from sitting in the same chair for 3 years with a laptop in my lap. But, if you read my post there, you see me ask about repetitive stress (same position and on computer a lot) because I also see people there who work out.

        Some people feel stress. Well, yes, I’ve certainly been under stress in general.

        So, here’s my background. I’ve been athletic my whole life. Started track in junior high school and have been into running and other athletics up until mid-2010 when this whole ascension work kicked my butt. I’ve eaten whole, organic food and drank filtered water (and plenty of it, which most people don’t drink enough water, I always have) since about 2000. From 2000 to 2007, I did two month-long detoxes per year. Years centered around 2003 I was in the best overall health I’d ever been in, not the most physically fit I’d ever been, but not doing too bad there either.

        I had a bit of a health slump in 2005 due to stress, long story, and smoked that year and ate out a lot. I recovered from that no problem. I’ve not ever been on pharmaceuticals chronically. I only ever had antibiotics, last time being probably early ’90s about the last time I saw a doctor too – that’s 20 years ago! I’ve corrected any imbalances from that and bad diet long ago. I’ve only had this issue come up in the last couple years. My over all health is great but my body has taken a bit of a hit from sheer exhaustion and lack of motion. The Divine has not left me a whole lot of energy to use outwardly.

        As far as spiritual work. I’ve been at this for 17 years, very diligently so. The intense part of ascension, even after many years of healing work, started for me in 2010, my own personal ascension work. Many messages at that time that those of us who were ready to do so had to move forward as we didn’t have the time for any other people to wake up. We had to get on it. I literally feel I was done with that portion in early 2011. I was able to get out and exercise then for a few months, having the energy again to do so. Starting in mid-May 2011, I started to assist the planet in a big way. In 2012, it’s been about assisting the collective. So, it’s been intense for over a year and a half, which is also about the time that I have NOT, no longer, had much for ascension symptoms, being past my own personal ascension work since early 2011. Yes, I went through all the various ascension symptoms, the kind that makes ascension and hypochondria be not a good mix. I’m not a hypochondriac and knew what I was going through and flowed with it. I’ve not been the type to resist healing and I feel my lack of aches and pains concerning energy work is due to having no blockages. Really. Still channeling an awful lot of energy to and fro but there’s no place for it to hang up so very little in the way of aches and pains. Any body aches I’ve got going on recently are purely from not using my body. I’ve always believed a body should be used and did use mine until this planetary ascension really began in earnest 3 years ago.

        And over these 3 years, I’ve had long stretches of doing energy work (way past the point of “free-will” which got suspended for me in 2010, literally, I was a tool of the Divine from that point on, there was no backing out) but with occasional breaks, perhaps when we achieved some goal. And when I get a break, my energy levels are back to what they used to be forever, it’s like night and day, like flipping a switch. I’ll be exhausted for weeks on end as the energy work is being done through me, then I get a break and it’s literally like none of that ever happened. I’m still fat and out of shape but I am not exhausted at those times. Sometimes that feeling may only last a day or two, sometimes weeks. The heavy lifting for me ended in August of 2012 and I understand that the 4D folk have taken over more of their own work since then. So, since then I feel just like what I’ve described – someone who has been carrying quite the load for months on end and yet the load was lifted off. Still weary from the work but can definitely tell I’m not being used to do as much. I’m way in tune to energy so I could tell you an awful lot about planetary and collective processes, by dates, literally, due to where my energy levels were.

        So, no Ken, I’m past any past emotional traumas, emotional attachments, etc. Now the emotions flow freely. Yep, still human, still an emotional being, but no blockages. I may get a wee bit of accumulation of things due to interacting with others who are stuck and I find about the time the universe manages to budge them, even if just a wee bit, then that’s my opportunity for another release to clear that energy between us. As an example, over New Year’s Eve into Day, I released concerning one person by just yelling at the top of my lungs at all their asinine stuff. They weren’t there to hear me, but I didn’t care to re-energize the cycle but release it. Perfect.

        I had a major release with another person (who I’d talked to you about before) as we had some standing unfinished business between us. I’d had to cut them off a year ago because they were being very recalcitrant about their own healing and the levels that I was being used for for the planet and collective at that time was kicking my butt. I told them the other day that their energy back then was like someone kicking on me, when I was an injured dog and just wanted to be left alone, so I bared my teeth at them to get them away from me. I had to look out for myself. I’ve been an extremely patient person my whole life and it’s not a chore for me to do so, it’s very natural, many people have commented on it, but I was just way too exhausted to put up with even the slightest bit of human dysfunction then and this person had more than just a little at that time.

        So, Ken, most of what you’ve said here doesn’t apply to me at this point in time and much hasn’t for quite a while now. I’m glad you said it for anyone who can benefit from it, it’s a great summary.

        You mention confrontational therapy. I carry 4th Ray energy – Harmony Through Conflict – so I have no issue with confrontation, inwardly or outwardly and it’s been more me delivering that healing opportunity to others, sometimes even literally with my presence, sometimes no more interaction than that needed, but yes upwards from there also.

        I have not had money for massage, etc. For anything really. But I have cleared such things energetically for years so don’t even feel a need for massage or bone cracking, etc. Right this minute I feel great, no aches, pain, stiffness, soreness, just fat and out of shape at this point. I find most outward symptoms are my clue for some diet tweaking – chapped lips remind me to do some EFAs. Achy knees mean I need a little more sea salt. Takes care of that. I don’t do much gluten and dairy and when I do over a few days it catches up to me, but just quit doing it and I’m fine. My body and I have worked very well together. I could teach ya a thing or two Ken. 😉

        Yeah, I only supplement as needed. Good food and water is all I need most of the time for health.

        I literally still feel this is repetitive stress for me and lack of exercise but I also see the energetic component in it. I feel that our glands are having to be reactivated, then promptly used for intense work. So we moved from atrophied glands to heavy duty in a very short time. I just found it interesting how many people had this going on and yes, it seems to run the gamut on health, fitness, activity, awareness, etc.

      • Sue says:

        Ken, also, if you haven’t seen it yet, I posted a long comment on the post for James Gilliland Dealing with the Multi-level Shift. That will give you more idea of where I’m at.

  4. Sue says:

    This is timely. But then, isn’t it always? I’ve gone through this, so many times and again now. This is not about just romantic love, so the whole “in love” part doesn’t even apply and I don’t really like that term anyway.

    To me, romantic (Eros) love is universal (Agape) love expanded first to friend love (Philia) then to romantic (Eros) as one wants to outwardly, express a love in a physically intimate way that was intimate at other levels already.

    But no, in this world, in the state of woundedness and then various healing levels that people are at, developing a friendship is quite the challenge also.

    I’ve written on it myself often.

    Yep, as this says, ” I feel the beauty and perfection within myself and I’m sharing it with you and the world”. But that often just means going about life, touching people for just a short time, but there is no lasting, deep relationships because no one can go that deep and then also stick it out. It seems to be one or the other – it will last long if kept superficial or it will be short-lived if they dare to delve deep. And that all comes down to being able to face oneself and camp out with oneself. To most people, so-called “relationships” are a way to avoid oneself. There’s no real connection with other because they’ve yet to connect with themselves.

    Yes, indeed, getting past the part where you have to just let go. I self-love enough to know when to let go of someone from my life. I have no issue with this entire concept. I do love unconditionally, but that may not mean I care to continue to be around certain people any longer. I’m fine them being who they are in any given moment, but they may need to do it elsewhere if it means their crap keeps flying my way. I never stop loving them, hell, I loved ’em before I met ’em, but I may not choose to be around the energy they insist on carrying.

    All of that is fine and well. What I am frankly getting tired of is not finding others who can continue to grow in this way and so henceforth still be there. I look around and don’t have anyone because I’ve got enough self-love to not put up with their b.s. forever. I give them more than a few chances, I dodge the arrows they hurl which I know are not ultimately meant for me anyway, but there reaches a point when one just needs to step off the target range. That’s self-love at work right there. I’ve had to be my own strength and support.

    I can and have lent some support to others, always in an empowering way and I don’t care to enable their dysfunction or disempowering programs. They love that about me if we are dealing with something they really want to heal. If not, and I’m running into a major blockage they have, then me encouraging their empowerment just makes me the spawn of Satan in their eyes.

    And also, ya know, it’s when I could use a little support that they literally seem to get the most scared. I’m not a cold stone. I don’t stuff my emotions. I am having a human experience as surely as they are and will continue to until I’m not human, no matter how evolved I could get, if I’m human, I have emotions. I advocate emotional expression. It’s disempowering to stuff anything. And yet with others, it’s like I’m expected to be some pillar of strength that is not allowed to be human and have feelings and if I express my feelings which happens to involve them, then they always take it personal.

    I honestly think I’m going to attempt this next tact just to see what happens – if I have some feelings I need to discuss with a friend, but it involves them, I think I won’t tell them it’s about them, tell them the story, perhaps insert a different name instead of theirs and see if they are able to show me some compassion then if they don’t think they are part of the story.

    I have an old friend who, they and their spouse have a rule – “Only one crazy person at a time.” Unfortunately, I’ve yet to find anyone who will allow me to be that crazy person, ya know, by myself, without them engaging, without them making my feelings about them.

    I can dodge their arrows, which I know are not meant for me, but they can’t dodge mine… even when I’m not even shooting arrows their way, but from their perspective, they insist that I am.

    Ken mentioned communications. Misunderstanding is my bane. I can’t stand it. I’m also very good at seeing when it has happened. I have helped many other pairs of people when I can hear them both, but they can’t hear each other. What’s really sad is when they are both actually saying the same thing, yet in different ways so they think they are arguing when there is no disagreement.

    The person I am having an experience with now really has a tough time communicating. I almost feel like they think everyone else can read their minds so they say something very cryptic, like starting the story at the end and then get ticked that ya didn’t understand them. Sometimes there’s no clue to indicate that ya didn’t really hear what they wanted to say. It’s very frustrating to have to play super sleuth with them just to talk. If I point this out to them, in an effort to better understand them, then they tell me I’m “tearing them down”.

    Here’s a simplistic, figurative example:
    Person 1, as a navigator in car says, “Go up here and turn left.” But they really meant to say right.
    So you Person 2, as driver, goes to intersection and gets in left lane.
    1 screams, “What are you doing in this lane?”
    2 says, “Turning left.”
    1 says, “I told you to turn right.”
    2 says, “No, you told me to turn left.”
    1 says, “Now you’re telling me I can’t talk. You’re always tearing me down.”

    There’s nothing to do with this kind of thing. You can’t just sit there and take their punches when their poor (and likely very unconsious) miscommunications are what’s causing all the havoc in the first place.

    Yep, all fine and well, but where are the people who can do what I can do so we can actually maintain a relationship that works?

    • Ken says:

      Well, I love ya Sue. I couldn’t have said it better. Looks like we’ve been down the same road. Its frustrating that’s all. I’ve kept a diary for years and it says pretty much exactly what you just so eloquently verbalized. Thank you.
      You manifest the love and happiness that just naturally flows from you as an awake, alive, loving, playfull, creative spiritual being and its viewed by the mate or significant other as a weakness. Opens the door for them to take advantage of you. Its also seems to scare them so they spend their time trying to bring you down to the lower frequency stuff. Well, I can go there for a while but I can’t stay there. It literally kills me. The divorce will be final tomorrow. Her names Sue also.
      But I discovered something that has saved me time and again. I’ve known the relationship was over for quite a while now. I just didn’t want it anymore for the reasons you stated above. A self preservation thing. But because of the ethical and moral code I personally embrace I couldn’t divorce her. I had to wait for her to do the divorcing. In order to do that all I had to do is keep the love flowing. In spite of all the bad stuff – love her anyway…Drove her crazy. I discovered if I pushed her away then she would want me. Then she’d be all over me. Of course that was always temporary, once I started loving her again the rejection started all over. It was interesting to go through. “Physical universe flows” its called. Nothing spiritual about it at all. Just keep the love flowing and they pull themselves away from you. Cool huh?
      When I first met her I was just completing my comeback from liver cancer and didn’t know I still had a mental component to deal with so I just couldn’t view all of her. Literally couldn’t see the real her. Once the mental component was handled I saw very clearly what was really going on and changed course immediately.
      Going through all that you come to real honest conclusions that cannot be denied. Things you already “innately” knew but now have physical universe confirmation of. What the problem with that is; Its all just toooooo simple. Too easy, too doable.
      The is no ascension process necesary for spirits. How can there be? You’re a spirit, a liittle piece of God already. Can’t get any higher than that. So the ascention process is applicable to ascension from the physical universe with all its beauty, heartbreak and levels of frequencies. But that’s too easy and it ruins the game for most folks down here. You know their game. Drama, drama, drama, mystery, deception, lies, confrontations, Blah, blah, blah…Interesting games and fun to play as long as you don’t lose perception of who you really are.
      Fortunately I had a great childhood with no chemical poisoning at all so I had a pretty good handle on who “I” really was right from the start. Of course the chemicals and parasites got me in the war and cost a considerable length of time to discover that and then resolve it.
      And the divorce will be final tomorrow. I’ll have a clean slate again. This time if it gets all screwed up it’ll be of my own doing and not from the chemical poisoning and mental trauma participating in their genocidal deeds in the name of patriotism goes. Should be fun.
      Love is the answer. It will evict the lower frequencies out of your life. If they happen to be people – so be it.
      But wow Sue, you sure hit the nail on the head with your post here. Thank you again.

      • Sue says:

        “But because of the ethical and moral code I personally embrace I couldn’t divorce her. I had to wait for her to do the divorcing. In order to do that all I had to do is keep the love flowing. In spite of all the bad stuff – love her anyway…Drove her crazy. I discovered if I pushed her away then she would want me. Then she’d be all over me. ”

        Ah yes. Yes, I have had to leave some people, but in the last half dozen years, I have found that many acquaintances, friends and lovers just left because I wouldn’t engage in their drama with them and kept insisting on a more empowered perspective on everything. It seemed that if I wouldn’t be their villain in the victim game they wanted to play, they saw no use for me.

        This also reminds me of a poster my sister had in the ’70s of a hippy hugging on a cop and it said, “Love your enemies. It’ll drive ’em nuts.” It’s like all the love energy just stirs up all their issues instead of just further energizing it.

        Yes, it still simply amazes me how addicted so many people are to drama. It must have quite the draw. I don’t get it myself, but ok. I’d like to see them transmute all the crap energy I have. They might either get their fill finally or perhaps they’d just o.d. “It’s my party and I’ll o.d. if I want to…. o.d. if I want to… o.d. if I want to…”

        I had to express a lot yesterday, which I haven’t done much of for a few months, which is so unlike me. I did so through email with this person I was experiencing. I also had an outburst of rage towards my ex / friend who I am so sick of and yet they are my meal ticket (for 3 years today). It was while I was out driving around, running errands and they were not there to hear it, but it needed to be said. 🙂 Then on Jean’s site here. And I did all this as the calendar turns over. Interesting.

        And thanks back to ya. I needed some interaction with a non-zombie. 😉

      • Jean says:

        Yes, my thanks to both you and Sue! You’ve both got it – Happy New Year to you both and hugs, ~Jean

      • Sue says:

        Back atcha Jean. I’ve been on this long haul for 17 years and the first 14 didn’t hold a candle to the last 3, as I’m sure many here can attest to. I see Gaia Portal posted again. It completely confirms the MAJOR shift I felt from yesterday into today. It’s a brand new day!

  5. marinaalbin says:

    Some like it simple, other like to put a spin on it we all are different 🙂
    All love worthwile starts from the within first, then it grows or dies it is up to the people involved due to their behaivour. Personally I prefered quility over quantity and then go into depth but how is it possible if I cleary see that I have been taking advantage of, this is the most hurfull part, turn a bling eye and say it’s OK I can not, becouse I do know that it is not OK – old fashioned marality 🙂
    to change somebody to my liking is not fare to the other person – they do have a free choice and do know what’s up as well. That’s that – my 2 cents of wisdom, however I’m no expert on a relationship.

    • Ken says:

      I always felt sorry for the “users”. Someone takes advantage of me or rips me off in any way – I feel sorry for THEM. For sure I’ve had the broken heart thing a few times when my imaginings out-performed the reality I was in the middle of at the time. For the most part communication sems to be the key to the whole show in relationships. Both parties figure out what you want to say and don’t be afraid to say it. You’ll make it as long as the comm lines are open. And it always comes back to love – always.

  6. Ken says:

    Wow! Taking something simple and putting all these via’s on it. Dividing it up, putting it all in specific order, further dividing #7 and then trying to make the whole thing logical. Its easy, its easy, its easy – I am Love, You are love. How can we be anything else? Think about that. Really, really, think about that…

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